DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
My rapier wit hides my inner pain.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed - or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.
I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!
I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.