A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.
I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.
Be so good they can't ignore you.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
I've got to keep breathing. It'll be my worst business mistake if I don't.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary...but, on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.
I never thought much about success early on. I only thought about being a comedian - or just being in show business, is really more accurate.
I was raised with 'Laurel and Hardy' and 'I Love Lucy' and Jerry Lewis, and I just loved it. And I had a friend in high school and we would just laugh all day and put on skits. You know, it's the Andy Kaufman thing or the Marty Short thing where you're performing in your bedroom for yourself.
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.