When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.