Never memorize something that you can look up.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Going to church doesnβt make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?
THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. We are here to help you. 2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings. 3. The dress code will be enforced. 4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds. 5. Our football team will win the championship this year. 6. We expect more of you here. 7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen. 8. Your schedule was created with you in mind. 9. Your locker combination is private. 10. These will be the years you look back on fondly. TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL 1. You will use algebra in your adult lives. 2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away. 3. Students must stay on campus during lunch. 4. The new text books will arrive any day now. 5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores. 6. We are enforcing the dress code. 7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon. 8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals. 9. There is nothing wrong with summer school. 10. We want to hear what you have to say.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?