When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Humor is reason gone mad.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.