If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.
You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Conscience: That which makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls; the soldier details his wounds, the shepherd his sheep.
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.