An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish a reputation as an expert.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.
As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.