A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
Men always talk about the most important things to perfect strangers.
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier and hoarser than his wife.
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.
Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
Boys don't make passes at female smart asses.
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
A man is never so weak as when a woman is telling him how strong he is.
Commuter - One who spends his life in riding to and from his wife; a man who shaves and takes a train, and then rides back to shave again.
Eve left Adam, to meet the Devil in private.
I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
Manly men and womanly women are still here but feeling nervous.