I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun.
I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?
Father giving advice to son: Never do anything once around the house that you don't want to do for the rest of your life.
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.
Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.
When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."
"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."
I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.
American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman who has nothing to wear.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die earlier.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item she doesn't want.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier and hoarser than his wife.
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.
Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.
Boys don't make passes at female smart asses.
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
