Quotes Tagged "humor"

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Elend: I kind of lost track of time… Breeze: For two hours? Elend: There were books involved.

I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.

Okay, God, I thought. Get me out of this and I’ll stop my half-assed church-going ways. You got me past a pack of Strigoi tonight. I mean, trapping that one between the doors really shouldn't have worked, so clearly you're on board. Let me get out of here, and I’ll...I don’t know. Donate Adrian’s money to the poor. Get baptized. Join a convent. Well, no. Not that last one.

Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know.

Look at me! Look at me! Look at me NOW! It is fun to have fun But you have to know how.

The human body is the best work of art.

She talks like you. It’s not every day you hear a four-year-old say Prince Charming is a douchebag who’s only holding Cinderella back.

When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.

Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

So much good, so much evil. Just add water.

I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.