Education, n: that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.
Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making, in all, two.
Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.
Peace: in international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Pray, v: to ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Heathen, n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Infidel, n: in New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
Perseverance, n.: A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
Achievement: The death of an endeavor, and the birth of disgust.
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.