Quotes Tagged "humor"

Sections in the bookstore - Books You Haven't Read - Books You Needn't Read - Books Made for Purposes Other Than Reading - Books Read Even Before You Open Them Since They Belong to the Category of Books Read Before Being Written - Books That If You Had More Than One Life You Would Certainly Also Read But Unfortunately Your Days Are Numbered - Books You Mean to Read But There Are Others You Must Read First - Books Too Expensive Now and You'll Wait 'Til They're Remaindered - Books ditto When They Come Out in Paperback - Books You Can Borrow from Somebody - Books That Everybody's Read So It's As If You Had Read Them, Too - Books You've Been Planning to Read for Ages - Books You've Been Hunting for Years Without Success - Books Dealing with Something You're Working on at the Moment - Books You Want to Own So They'll Be Handy Just in Case - Books You Could Put Aside Maybe to Read This Summer - Books You Need to Go with Other Books on Your Shelves - Books That Fill You with Sudden, Inexplicable Curiosity, Not Easily Justified - Books Read Long Ago Which It's Now Time to Re-read - Books You've Always Pretended to Have Read and Now It's Time to Sit Down and Really Read Them

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

So what? All writers are lunatics!

For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.

A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.

When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles... ...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.

She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish.

You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the cave-man had known how to laugh, History would have been different.

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

To be is to do - Socrates To do is to be - Sartre Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course

We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!

...disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business....

I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.

Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.