Quotes Tagged "funny-quotes"

Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.

When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.

Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.

All men, to a lesser or greater extent, are cowardice in the presence of wit.

This is how you get through life: duck.

I am not pointing fingers, but rather pointing at the facts, as the facts point fingers regardless.

Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime. 'Die, bastards.' She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.

Love is relentless, and so am I ;)

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

Oh, come on. Since when have the Fates granted anyone anything when they are stressing out about it?

All of life is a continuous state of wonder interrupted by bedtime and light snacks.

Love at first sight is a polite phrase used when one wants fuck a stranger

It's probably not easy for a woman to understand what it's like to be a man. Imagine you're starving, and someone puts a huge buffet in front of you. There's delicious, mouth-watering food all around you, and it's really really hard not to eat it all. That's what it's like to be a man around attractive women. The urge to want to hump everything that moves is part of a man's natural programming. It's a deep-seated hunger. To suppress that hunger takes civilization and a lot of willpower.

You aren’t married married until three days into a discussion about if getting a toaster oven would be worth sacrificing the counter space.

Food for thought: Every dead body on Mount Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. It may save your life one day.

Sitting too long produces trees.

If you grow it, they will cum.