Middle age is when your narrow waist and broad mind begin to change places.
The secret to longevity is to keep breathing.
I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
People who have the most birthdays live the longest.
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
I have everything I had twenty years ago, only it's all a little bit lower.
I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.
To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well, I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.
Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
She's too young for Medicare and too old for me to care.
When she told me her age I believed her - why not? she hasn't changed her story for five years.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
She was born in the year of our Lord only knows. The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost. They are added to other women's.
Old age is like everything else, to make a success of it you got to start young.
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
I was just thinking, when I was a young girl, I never knew what every young girl was supposed to know. And now I am going to be an old lady, I don't know what every old lady is supposed to know.
He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.
Life begins at fifty, but so does bad eyesight, arthritis, and the habit of telling the same story three times to the same listeners.
Women, don't get a tattoo. That butterfly looks great on your breast when you're twenty or thirty, but when you get to be seventy, it stretches into a condor.
