When Julia Child was asked to what she credited her longevity, she replied, "Red meat and gin."
Once my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present. She let me win an argument.
When we're young we want to change the world. When we're old we want to change the young.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
I refuse to admit I'm more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and "Gee, you look good."
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do.
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
I'm at an age where my back goes out more than I do.
Remember when we used to laugh at old people when we were young? Do you recall what was so funny?
If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.
You know you are getting older when "happy hour" is a nap.
I wouldn't say someone is old just because his social security is in Roman numerals or because Mozart played at his senior prom.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
If you think a lot of the comments made tonight are not funny, but are immature and tasteless, that's only because the sense of humor is the first thing to go.
I was going to take you out to lunch for your birthday . . . but you already are.
We've reached an age that when construction workers stare at us it's because they figure we might be considering a remodeling job.
You're only young once, but you can always be immature.