Quotes Tagged "humor"

Whereas story is processed in the mind in a straightforward manner, poetry bypasses rational thought and goes straight to the limbic system and lights it up like a brushfire. It's the crack cocaine of the literary world.

One of the greatest myths in the world - & the phrase 'greatest myths' is just a fancy way of saying 'big fat lies' -- is that troublesome things get less & less troublesome if you do them more & more. People say this myth when they are teaching children to ride bicycles, for instance, as though falling off a bicycle & skinning your knee is less troublesome the fourteenth time you do it than it is the first time. The truth is that troublesome things tend to remain troublesome no matter how many times you do them, & that you should avoid doing them unless they are absolutely urgent.

My reading list grows exponentially. Every time I read a book, it'll mention three other books I feel I have to read. It's like a particularly relentless series of pop-up ads.

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.

Every day we're told that we live in the greatest country on earth. And it's always stated as an undeniable fact: Leos are born between July 23 and August 22, fitted queen-size sheets measure sixty by eighty inches, and America is the greatest country on earth. Having grown up with this in our ears, it's startling to realize that other countries have nationalistic slogans of their own, none of which are 'We're number two!

In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough for a joke.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.

Whoa. Fangs. She had fangs. She leaned in, prodded them a little. Eating with those puppies was going to take some getting used to, she thought. On impulse, she brought up her hands, turned her fingers into claws. Hissed. Cool.

I've noticed that when people are joking they're usually dead serious, and when they're serious, they're usually pretty funny.

I planted a kamikaze kiss on Jamie’s cheek. “FUCK,” he shouted, wiping it off. “What if you killed me!” He threw a Skittle at my face. It hit my forehead. “Ow!” “Taste the rainbow bitch.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.

My own opinion is enough for me, and I claim the right to have it defended against any consensus, any majority, anywhere, any place, any time. And anyone who disagrees with this can pick a number, get in line, and kiss my ass.

I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so.

Well you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should.

My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.

We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.

If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.