Quotes Tagged "humor"

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Life sucks, and then you die...

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Write it. Shoot it. Publish it. Crochet it, sauté it, whatever. MAKE.

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!

They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

Every morning when I wake up, I experience an exquisite joy —the joy of being Salvador Dalí— and I ask myself in rapture: What wonderful things is this Salvador Dalí going to accomplish today?

Everything will turn out right, the world is built on that.

And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.

Gossip is just a tool to distract people who have nothing better to do from feeling jealous of those few of us still remaining with noble hearts.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!

You know what I can't understand? You have all these people telling you all the time how great you are, smart and funny and talented and all that, I mean endlessly, I've been telling you for years. So why don't you believe it? why do you think people say that stuff, Em? Do you think it's a conspiracy, people secretly ganging up to be nice about you?

Laughter is carbonated holiness.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

Nothing's a better cure for writer's block than to eat ice cream right out of the carton.

It's just that in the Deep South, women learn at a young age that when the world is falling apart around you, it's time to take down the drapes and make a new dress.