Quotes Tagged "humor"

I had a dream about you last night.. you were holding a pine cone and introducing him as Gerald.

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

That's not a bad word...hate and war are bad words, but fuck isn't.

Rule of life. If you bother to ask someone’s advice, then bother to listen to it.

Anything that doesn't take years of your life and drive you to suicide hardly seems worth doing.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.


I can chase you, and I can catch you, but there is nothing I can do to make you mine.

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either.

I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

Every ounce of my cynicism is supported by historical precedent.

Those guys who want to have the Mohawk...which, to me, is the new business casual.

I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

All art is but dirtying the paper delicately.

I hate when people say 'I see'. It doesn't mean anything and I think it's hostile. Whenever anyone tells me 'I see' I think they're really saying 'Fuck you'.

Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway.

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.