You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get them from what's eating you.
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
I won't say I'm out of condition now - but I even puff going downstairs.
I get my exercise being a pallbearer for those of my friends who believed in regular running and calisthenics.
Your medical tests are in. You're short, fat, and bald.
The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
My husband wasn't listening when the doctor asked for "a urine, stool, and semen sample" . . . so I just told him they wanted his shorts.
They say the Japanese don't experience menopause or hot flashes. If that's the case, why are they the number-one fan-producing country in the world?
doctor to stout patient: You've been swallowing your food again.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
I don't give my weight. I weigh a hundred and plenty.
His idea of exercise is walking to his vitamins.
Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again! . . . God! I feel fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, perhaps . . . but the lungs are fine.
There must be something to acupuncture - after all, you never see any sick porcupines.
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
I'm not that much into working out. My philosophy - no pain, no pain.
Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
