Quotes Tagged "funny"

girls please give your bodies and your lives to the young men who deserve them besides there is no way I would welcome the intolerable dull senseless hell you would bring me and I wish you luck in bed and out but not in mine thank you.

I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer.


I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

I had a dream about you last night... you were a giant slinky and I watched you fall down the stairs.

When mice run, cats give chase.

My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches in it.

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned

When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Instead of committing suicide, people go to work.

Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child.

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch

Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Why it's simply impassible! Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!

You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!