Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
The only cure for contempt is counter-contempt.
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.
Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
One of the most mawkish of human delusions is the notion that friendship should be eternal, or, at all events, life-long, and that any act which puts a term to it is somehow discreditable.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true!
Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
