It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man.
Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in.
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end.
Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it.
Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates.
Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
War will never cease until babies begin to come into the world with larger cerebrums and smaller adrenal glands.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.
Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly.
There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good.
A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.
