Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon.
Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.
Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.
One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring.
As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft.
No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.
Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.
Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.
Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient.
A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable.
