Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.
Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.
President of the United States is you know, our boss, so you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen.
Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.
I used to hang out with grandfather all the time because he used to pick me up from school sometimes, or drive me to my mother's, so I'd be with my grandfather a lot. I used to watch him write his sermons.
You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.
America is the greatest country in the whole world.
I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.
When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I'd like to be in a Spike Jonze movie. But I live in a Nancy Meyers movie.
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
