There are two kinds of people in the world: those who come into a room and say, "Here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Oh, there you are."
Friends are folks who excuse you when you have made a fool of yourself.
With friends like you - who needs enemas.
As the psychiatrist said to the cannibal at the end of a session: "Your problem is easy you're just fed up with people."
Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.
Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.
I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world, and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.
Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.
The parting genius is with sighing sent.
Genius is only great patience.
The first step is the hardest.
Every beginning is hard.
If you don't place your foot on the rope, you'll never cross the chasm.
If a man wants his dreams to come true, he must wake them up.
A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
No age or time of life, no position or circumstance, has a monopoly on success. Any age is the right age to start doing!
Performance releases pressure.
There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.
