Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Regard yourself as a small corporation of one. Take yourself off on team-building exercises (long walks). Hold a Christmas party every year at which you stand in the corner of your writing room, shouting very loudly to yourself while drinking a bottle of white wine. Then masturbate under the desk. The following day you will feel a deep and cohering sense of embarrassment.
Some women do not masturbate for pleasure; they masturbate to make a political statement: to remind us that women do not really need men (or at least not as much and as frequently as every single male chauvinist and every single misogynist believes).
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.
When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.
The wise treat horniness like a hiccup; the foolish, like an asthma attack.
Everything you do with thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.
Everything you do wih thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.
Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.