George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself.
Iām not going to die because I failed as someone else. Iām going to succeed as myself.
We women are constantly at war with our bodies, it is hard to find amnesty for ourselves.
I'm taking a lot of my favorite artists, different people, my favorite music and marrying that with what I do as a comic. It's very collaborative, arty, fun and cool.
My former bullies pay extra to come backstage and meet me after shows, and I pretend not to know them in front of their friends. It is the most divine pleasure to exact the revenge of the brutalized child that resides within.
To start telling people that you're beautiful, or just feel beautiful, just start acting like you are the most beautiful woman in the world. And it really improves everything! Because your sort of psyche responds to it - like this is truthful!
Maybe I wanted to hear it so badly that my ears betrayed my mind in order to secure my heart.
Interventions are really emotionally exhausting and I would never ever want to have one. In the same way, I would never want to have a surprise birthday party. That would be horrible.
Love is the big booming beat which covers up the noise of hate.
My mother goes crazy over babies. Some people just do. They love 'em! I never have. Babies scare me more than anything. They're tiny and fragile and impressionable - and someone else's! As much as I hate borrowing stuff, that is how much I hate holding other people's babies. It's too much responsibility.
If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach.
Snooki is really beautiful and looks quite like Elizabeth Taylor in 'Cleopatra.' She has the same bone structure. I'm kind of obsessed with 'Jersey Shore.' People don't give them enough credit for how entertaining they are.
The incognito of lower class employment is an effective cloak for any dagger one might wish to hide.
I'm writing a record of comedy songs. I'm doing all these collaborations with artists. I bring them lyrics and they write the music to it.
I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, 'Well, that may be inappropriate,' but it was great!'
I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.
I am in love with Counting Crows. It is so manly and American.
Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness.
The newest victims of the nation's foreclosure crisis are pets, which is extremely distressing to me.
People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.
