Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.