I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.
I don't generally feel anything until noon, then it's time for my nap.
We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?
The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.
I do benefits for all religions. ... I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.
I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.
If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?