Soul mates are people in our lives whom we connect to on a deep level. As the name implies, soul mates are primarily friends of the soul. If you have found your soul mate they will likely be the best, and truest friend, you will ever have. You’ll be able to share everything with your soul mate, from your wildest dreams to your most shameful secrets. Nothing is off limits.
A twin flame is a person who is your friend, lover, and teacher in this life. He or she is the catalyst of your spiritual growth and the mirror of your deepest desires, needs, and fears. Your twin flame will reflect back to you all of your inner shadows, but also your deepest beauty and greatest strengths. In this way, your twin flame helps you to access tremendous emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth.
Attracting a person into your life who is genuinely compatible with you requires inner work. How can you discover who your soul mate is without first knowing who you really are and what you really want out of life? You’ll always be clambering around in the dark.
Twin flames do not “complete” you because you are already innately “complete” at a soulful level. Instead, they compliment you deeply and help you to grow.
It’s a sad reality, but in our relationships as a species, we treat each other as objects to be owned and possessed. But once we do manage to cage or “secure” our partners to “be our everything,” we suffer horribly. Once we metaphorically capture that beautiful bird we were initially attracted to, we feel guilty every time the bird chirps: we are reminded that we’ve taken away the very thing that made the bird so beautiful in the first place.
Soul mate and twin flame relationships are perhaps one of the most powerful vehicles of spiritual awakening in existence. They challenge you on every level, demand that you grow and become all that you’re destined to be – all in a loving and nurturing space.
Unlike traditional marriages that are committed to material safety and comfort, the spiritual partnership goes one step further and makes a commitment to mutual spiritual growth. Within spiritual partnerships, the focus is not just on us, our needs, our desires, and our petty grievances – instead, the focus gradually becomes local, national, and global.
A relationship that involves physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse is not a twin flame relationship. There is a difference between painful emotional and mental shifts in perception, and gaslighting. There is a difference between Life asking you to change and ‘upgrade’ as a result of your relationship, and your partner demanding that you change to appease their selfish domineering desires. There is a difference between acting out wounds and perpetuating toxic narcissistic behavior. There is a difference between unconsciously triggering each other’s shadows, and deliberately triggering the other with malice and hatred.
The role of the twin flame is to aid you in the development of inner wholeness, harmony, and self-realization (Oneness) – but this journey certainly isn’t full of sunshine and roses. In fact, the meeting of two twin flames is like the meeting of the sun and moon, earth and sky, fire and water: both partners mirror precisely what the other lacks. Understandably this can create divine harmony, but also intense conflict within a relationship.
Prematurely labeling your relationship as a ‘twin flame’ or ‘soul mate’ partnership can create unnecessary stress. “Why?” you may wonder. The answer is that when we label love too early, we create the unnecessary pressure of having to live up to these beliefs and expectations.
When we feel incomplete, lonely and disconnected from ourselves, the ideal of true love becomes a beacon of hope promising to save us. Soon we start sincerely believing that our beloved will “complete us,” and thus make our lives meaningful again. Unfortunately, such a myth is destructive to our mental, emotional, and psychological well-being in the long term.
No matter what level of mental and emotional maturity both partners are at, a twin flame relationship is based on mutual respect, compassion, and the desire to grow. Any form of intentionally inflicted physical, emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse should be seen as a BIG red flag – and I would advise running for the hills as soon as possible.
One of the most painful stages in the twin flame relationship is that of the “runner and chaser” dynamic. After the initial stages of ecstatic union and fairy-tale partnership, things start to heat up. Egos begin to clash, core wounds, insecurities, and traumas are rubbed raw, and shadow selves lash out. As a result, it’s inevitable that almost every twin flame relationship will battle through drama and dysfunction at first.
The sole purpose of twin flame relationships is to help us spiritually mature and become the best versions of ourselves possible. Perhaps the most powerful aspect of these connections is their ability to expose the dark, disowned, fractured parts of ourselves that we’ve hidden away (known as the ‘shadow self’) relentlessly.
Falling in love is an amazingly transcendental adventure. It is a great blessing to experience something so pure and sacred. So how can such an experience become corrupted? The answer is that our motivations sully the experience – but these motivations are usually entirely unconscious (that is, below our conscious awareness). When finding love is used as a way of escaping ourselves, it becomes more like a drug to numb our pain, rather than a spiritual journey. The experience is cheapened as conditions are placed upon the relationship for it to work. The dominant unspoken condition is: “You must make me happy and distract me enough from my pain and emptiness for this to work.” When this condition isn’t met consistently, the relationship begins to sour, decompose, and break apart.
Break free from the societal conditioning which makes you believe that your self-worth, fulfillment, and fundamental wholeness is based on whether you’re in a relationship or not. Learn to love being alone. Enjoy your own company. Explore who you are. Do some soul-searching. You don’t need another person to fulfill you.
False twin flame relationships help us to understand ourselves better. They are a powerful lesson in the importance of being discerning, self-caring, and aware of our shadows. The reason why we enter false twin flame relationships in the first place is due to the naivety of romanticizing others and being disconnected from the wisdom of our soul.
Contrary to popular belief, twin flames do not complete each other– this is because the soul itself is already complete. Instead, such relationships exist to catalyze spiritual maturing and conscious expansion. In other words, twin flame connections exist to aid the collective growth of our planet towards compassion, tranquility, and love.
Remember, a twin flame relationship is not better or more superior than other relationships. All types of relationships, twin flame or not, have their own spiritual value. The twin flame connection may appear more attractive than other types of relationships due to its intensity, but it’s not for the faint of heart.
The main difference between twin flames and soul mates is the fact that in a twin flame relationship you will be continuously challenged to grow, shed your ego, and awaken. While soul mates are loving companions, twin flames are the fires that burn through our fears, shadows and limiting beliefs.