College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
It's strange how few of the world's great problems are solved by people who remember their algebra.
Those who go to college and never get out are called professors.
You could do anything in your room at college. You could smoke pot, live in a coed dorm, have a girl. But you couldn't have a . . . hot plate!
My husband managed to cram four years of college into five.
One little six-year-old took home a note saying he need not come to school since he was "too stupid to learn." That boy was Thomas Edison.
Last words when sending our boy to college: "If there's anything you want, call us and we'll show you how to live without it."
She's an honor student. She's always saying, "Yes, Your Honor. No, Your Honor."
Bumper sticker: Driver carries no cash - he has a son in college.
Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions - everyone but a school bus driver.
It was going all wrong at my college interview until I nonchalantly asked, "Do you need any large donations for new buildings?"
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like "What I'm Going to Be if I Grow Up."
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
There are a hundred thousand useless words in the English language, but they come in handy in college football yells.
Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift.
Bumper sticker: My kid beat the heck out of the student of the month.
A kindergarten teacher is a woman who knows how to make little things count.
When asked to spell Mississippi the boy asked, "The river or the state?"
Letter home from, college boy: "There are 370 boys here - I wish there were 369."
I used to keep my college roommate from reading my personal mail by hiding it in her textbooks.