Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.