At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.
I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody.
My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
I model irregular clothing.
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
I was born nine months premature.
I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.