I hate the idea of people nicking my stuff, but in all honesty, I'm pretty well off. If a genuinely desperate man on his last gasp nicks my coat from the pub on a freezing night, well, he's welcome to it. It'll change his life. Mine's only inconvenienced by having to buy another one.
I'm a great believer in the principle of try it and work it out. If a gadget is designed well, you can easily work out how to use it. But if you can't, it isn't shameful to read the instructions.
All cars have a natural gait, a speed at which they're happiest. The Corniche is perfect at around 65-70mph. I did a ton in it once, which was completely horrible. Apparently, it'll reach 120mph, but not with me in it.
I was a car journalist when I started on 'Top Gear.' It was all about cars. And then it all spun out of all control, and we turned into figures of ridicule to keep the viewers happy. It's a fair deal, I suppose.
In 'Top Gear,' everything goes wrong because you have Jeremy Clarkson, so any practical activity ends in a pile of bits.
Not being part of the BBC with 'Top Gear' any more does pain me, because it's an organisation I approve of.
I have never stormed off over money or contracts. I am paid quite well by 'Top Gear.' I am pretty happy, and I have never seen Richard Hammond storm off, either.
I can't make a house homely. My house just looks like a garage or a shed. I'm not untidy, but it just looks so uninviting.
Despite some of the stories that have gone around, I've never had a big, flouncey strop about how much I'm paid. Considering I have a pretty interesting life out of making telly, I'm really paid quite well for it. So I'm not complaining.
There are very few things in real life on which I agree with Jeremy Clarkson, surprisingly few for people who have to make a TV show together. But that's part of what makes it work.
Jeremy can't do anything. I've never discovered anything he can do. I mean, he can drive a car round a track pretty well, but he wouldn't be able to light a fire.
Jeremy Clarkson wants to become a farmer - he's bought a field - Hammond wants to open a supermarket, and I'd like to spend my days owning a shoe shop.
I think there are bigger problems in the world than Jeremy Clarkson.
I don't want Jeremy Clarkson anywhere near my shed or my toolbox or my piano. He's interested in fashionable restaurants and celebrity gossip - I'm not interested in those.
I can't see Jeremy Clarkson having very many serious problems in his working life in the long run.
If it were possible - and I hope it will be some day - I'd like some sort of anti-gravity travel capsule: some way to travel around the without the need for jets and wings and so on.
When we were kids, if somebody said, 'What did you watch last night?' you would have said, 'BBC Two,' but now they'll just say, 'My mobile.'
There's a great deal of poetry in working out how things work, cutting bits of metal, trying to mend stuff.
I very briefly had a microwave oven that I quickly gave away, because I could never work out what they do better than a regular oven.
I am actually a perfectly capable modern man who can cook, clean, wash, and find my way to places, but nobody believes it.