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I was always a good student. I wasn't the A-plus student, but I studied really hard, and I probably had a 3.2. I always wished that I had the capacity to get straight A's, but I didn't. I didn't beat myself up about it, but I really studied hard for my grades.

Cars with flames painted on the hood might get more speeding tickets. Are the flames making the car go fast? No. Certain things just go together. And when they do, they are correlated. It is the darling of all human errors to assume, without proper testing, that one is the cause of the other.

I worked at Sears in the Woodfield Mall as a gift wrapper. I'm actually a great gift wrapper, and the customers were so nice to me. I was only 16, and eventually Sears put me in customer service because I was so friendly.

What difference do it make if the thing you scared of is real or not?

I truly believed that other people in my position didn't make mistakes; I couldn't see that everybody makes them, even people with great experience.

I have absolutely no interest in running for president again. None. None. I mean, I know that's hard for some people to believe, but, you know, I just don't.

Life is never fair, so keep your faith firm.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

I looked back on the roaring Twenties, with its jazz, 'Great Gatsby' and the pre-Code films as a party I had somehow managed to miss.

A man ought to read just as inclination leads him, for what he reads as a task will do him little good.

Merlin is the unsung hero who is often responsible for things turning out positively, but rarely gets credit for that.

I can hold on to that, that bitterness and that anger. It won't get me anywhere.

Show business got really tainted for me.

It seems that for many the cure to acne is at the end of their fork, not in a prescription pad.

In my previous life, I was an artist. I still paint. I love art.

When the line started to blur between the fans and the players, sometimes things can get ugly.

My roots are in Paris, and I will not pull them up.

And it sends an important message to me, because I am sick to death to hear my opponent saying Republicans don't trust me. They do trust me, in landslide proportions, and they're proving it tonight. We're going to bury that for good.

When I was 21 years old, I had a job playing Santa Claus in a shopping centre in Sacramento. I was rail thin, so it's not like I was a traditional Santa Claus even then. I had a square stomach; that was the shape of the sofa cushion that I had stuffed into my pants.

Is life too short to be taking this shit, or is life too short to be minding it?