I asked my instructor how I could cut ten strokes off my score. He told me to quit on hole 17!
I get confused with all the rules in golf. Let's say you're playing in L.A. and your ball lands on a dead body. Is your relief one or two club lengths?
My golf has really improved even though my score hasn't. I'm missing the ball much closer now.
Gimme: An agreement between two losers who can't putt.
The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.
Golf is not a matter of life or death. It is much more important than that.
player: Can I reach it with a five iron? caddie: Eventually.
Golf is a good preoccupation, but as the meaning of life ... it lacks a few things.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit that far.
This guy is such an obvious cheater that once, when he had a hole in one, he wrote down zero on his scorecard.
My golf is getting better all the time. Today I parred all but sixteen holes.
Golf is like a love affair: if you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
If people focused on life's really important matters, there'd be a shortage of golf clubs.
I'm not playing with my brother-in-law today. Would you play with a man who improves his lie and cheats on his score? Well, neither would he!
You've got just one problem. You stand too close to the ball - after you've hit it.
I used to want to shoot my age. Now I would just like to shoot my temperature.
What a terrible round. I only hit two good balls all day and that was when I stepped on a rake in a bunker.
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.