My mum said to me once years ago, which really spurred me on, 'You're the funniest person I know'. I loved that.
Christmas and Thanksgiving are the two days of the year where we know the spurs are going to stay off the boots because the family doesn't have to work. It's such a nice - and rare - treat!
What I'm getting at is, you know, if we really want to get serious about helping all the people living in the street and getting people jobs, we could just hire half the people in the country to spy on the other half.
I don't want to be the one that says Liverpool can go on and win the league. But there's a real belief and togetherness in the squad; we're all working for each other. We all know what the dream is at the end of it.
I try and relate my writing to something I know about, and I had a primary experience of being in a competitive, military environment and being part of a squadron.
I was with a Navy F-18 squadron, and I know a single squadron could finish off the entire Sudanese air force in a day.
For favorite games, I have sentimental feelings toward the Nintendo 64. I don't know why, but that period just resonates with me - 'Goldeneye' and 'Ocarina of Time' and 'Rogue Squadron.'
I have a hot memory, but I know I've forgotten many things, too, just squashed things in favor of survival.
Virtually every magazine, newspaper, TV station and cable channel is owned by a big corporation, and they've squashed stories that they don't want the public to know about.
The Packers have lots of owners nobody knows instead of one owner who doesn't know squat.
I've started collecting taxidermy: I've got a red squirrel, called Steve. I made sure he came with certificates so we know he wasn't just killed for stuffing.
I have great instincts, like the instincts of a squirrel. You know, like when you're driving and a squirrel stops in the middle of the road.
As conservatives, we know the media is stacked against us. We know popular culture is often stacked against us. We know the narrative has been written without our voice despite our best efforts.
I very rarely use a credit card, but I do if I know I have big bills coming and I need to stagger payment.
I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans.
Men think they already know me. But as they get closer and closer, they become that 14-year-old again. A lot of men do stammer and blush a little bit.
You know, film is the ultimate goal in an actor's career. I mean, I still love TV. I have my feet firmly stamped in it. But my opportunities have been bigger and better.
So many people, you know, they're just worried about, you can't say something bad about Obama, not because you actually have a strong stance against his platform, but because that makes you a racist.
I know how to make decisions and stand up to the criticism every day.
Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me; it's what I do, and this is what I'm always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
