Life was never meant to be a race, rather a journey—to be enjoyed with God, and shared with those we love. These are the things that make life meaningful, leaving us satisfied, rather than wanting.
When you think this pain is all you deserve, you are right. You are the only one that can decide how long you will walk in hell.
Why wait? So precious is this life—this gift—this temporary blindness. Burn and drown and embrace the false dark, then grasp the unthinkable height of resulting joy. For in the end, in the light of truth when the flesh is cast off, there is nothing but this.