If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.