I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Humor is reason gone mad.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.