If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both... different. In spelling.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
I'm a one-man idiot.