I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.
The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three.
The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.
I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.
Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.
Never make predictions, especially about the future.