My bottom is so big it's got its own gravitational field.
My first marriage was totally unsuitable and shouldn't have happened. It was a whirlwind, rebound thing. I was 23 or 24 - a baby.
Ruby Wax has basically ruined my career. You'll see when you watch the programme. I get more intimate with Ruby than I've ever been with another woman.
One day Mum saved up for this exciting new thing - a frozen chicken. She cooked it on the Sunday and we all sat around waiting for it, but there was a terrible smell from the kitchen. She didn't realise that the giblets were in a plastic bag inside it. We just ate vegetables and she cried and cried.
There was a great strain in our family because my father didn't want anything to do with me. He was happy to see my brother and sister, but not me. I don't know why. Maybe it was shame. I don't know. But he never wanted anything to do with me. That rejection was terribly hurtful and it went on for years.
I'm a bit frightened of the idea of a full facelift because, when you look in the mirror, you want to look like yourself.