It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
