Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.
No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.
I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.
I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.
Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
I don't like people cleaning my room.
Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.
I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.
I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
Obviously comedic styles do change.
I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.
When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.
I'm cranky.
I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.
When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.
I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'
It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.
My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.
I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.
