Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.