Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.