When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.
My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.
I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage.
Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports.
When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
Room service is great if you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.
I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.
You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
Sinatra was somebody special.
Sometimes, I knew generally what I was going to do, but I've never written anything down. Call it a sixth sense: the lines just come.
To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.
If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance.
To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.
I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
I write my own tweets.
When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight.