30 Witty Quotes by Famous Authors

30 Witty Quotes by Famous Authors

If you trust that books are a uniquely portable form of magic as Stephen King says, then there's good reason for you to believe that quotes are even more pocket-friendly versions of this magic, quite like spells.

We love quotes for several reasons:

  • Quotes have a way of lifting us up when we're in low spirits

  • They motivate us when we begin to doubt ourselves

  • They enable us to see the world from another person's perspective

  • They articulate the thoughts we've been unable to put into words ourselves

  • They help us impress friends & peers and sound intellectual!

  • They lighten our mood with a good, throaty chuckle every now and then.

If you're someone who shares our passion for quotes, here is a list of some witty quotes from famous authors to brighten your day.

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Douglas Adams

"When it comes to the past, everyone writes fiction."

Stephen King

"People think that I must be a very strange person. This is not correct. I have the heart of a small boy. It is in a glass jar on my desk."

Stephen King

"I went for years not finishing anything. Because, of course, when you finish something you can be judged."

Erica Jong

"Almost anyone can be an author; the business is to collect money and fame from this state of being."

A. A. Milne

"Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time."

Paulo Coelho

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old."

Mark Twain

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Mark Twain

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."

Mark Twain

"I love to go to the zoo. But not on Sunday. I don't like to see the people making fun of the animals, when it should be the other way around."

Ernest Hemingway

"On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time."

George Orwell

"Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it."

George Orwell

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her."

Agatha Christie

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"

Isaac Asimov

"I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse."

Isaac Asimov

"Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest."

Isaac Asimov

"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do."

Isaac Asimov

"Though sleep is called our best friend, it is a friend who often keeps us waiting!"

Jules Verne

"You're never rich enough if you can be richer."

Jules Verne

"Human beings can always be relied upon to exert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid."

Dean Koontz

"If you have to pay the bills, and you write something you're not proud of, use a pen-name for that."

Dean Koontz

"My wife is my first audience. She's a tough lady, so I can't say that I ever scare her. Except, of course, when she sees me the way I look before breakfast."

Dean Koontz

"You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway."

John Steinbeck

"Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator."

Lemony Snicket

"Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them."

Bertrand Russell

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."

Lewis Carroll

"It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time."

Honore De Balzac

"Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other."

Honore De Balzac

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."

Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

Oscar Wilde


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