Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn't have electricity, we'd be watching television by candle light?
My wife said, 'Take me in your arms and whisper something soft and sweet.' I said, 'chocolate fudge.'
I'm on a whisky diet... last week, I lost three days!
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
I'm recovering from a cold. I'm so full of penicillin that, if I sneeze, I'll cure someone.
I've got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!